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Women can avoid a royal miscalculation
by Sarah Littman
published November 1, 2005
Recently, I went to a Smith Barney luncheon that addressed women and finances.
It featured Barbara Stanny, author of "Prince Charming Isn't Coming: How Women
Get Smart about Money."
Like most women of my generation, I was brought up on the Prince Charming
fantasy. We grew up before Disney heroines were smart, feisty and empowered; in
my youth the message was "be beautiful, passive and a good housekeeper (a la
Snow White and Cinderella) and a handsome prince will swoop in on his white
horse and bear you off to Happily-Ever-Afterville.:
The Walt Disney Corp. wasn't the only one broadcasting the Prince Charming
message. I still remember exactly where I was standing in my parent's house when
my dad said: "You know, Sarah, I won't relax until you're married and have a man
looking after you."
Because I was working on Wall Street and putting myself through night school for
my master's in business administration at the time, my reaction was: "Hold on a
minute! Who's looking after me now?"
I don't blame Dad, because I know he loves me. The fact is that he's as much a
product of his generation as I am of mine. But it gives you an idea of the
social programming we women are up against.
As someone going through divorce, I'll admit I'm probably a tad more cynical
about the whole Prince Charming thing than the general female population. Yet as
Stanny points out, even for those women who find a real mensch and manage to
stay married to the guy need to face up to an important reality: Prince Charming
is not immortal. He'll be pushing up daisies someday, just like any other man.
Women shouldn't risk being catapulted onto the financial learning curve by
crisis, be it death or divorce.
Stanny came from a wealthy background, yet like many women she grew up clueless
about money. Her father, the "R" in H & R Block, never spoke about money --
other than to complain when her mother spent too much. Her mother might have
written the checks to pay the monthly bills, but her father made all the major
financial decisions.
Stanny's first real conversation about money came on her 21st birthday, when her
father handed her a trust document and told her that she was "a very rich girl"
and would "never have to worry." That pretty much summed up the extent of her
financial education.
In keeping with familial and societal expectations, she went straight from her
father looking after to her finances to her husband doing so -- who, it
transpired, gambled with and managed to lose a large part of her inheritance.
It took many years for Barbara Stanny to overcome her feelings of incompetence
around money. As with any journey, it started with having the courage to take
that initial step. But first she had to wean herself off the Prince Charming
fantasy -- to realize that no one was going to do this for her, and perhaps more
important, no one should. Because the reality is this: According to the U.S.
Census Bureau, nine out of every 10 women will be solely responsible for their
financial well-being at some point of their lives.
But according to a survey on women's investment patterns conducted by Merrill
Lynch, women are not doing what they need to for total financial independence
and retirement: Forty-nine percent of women versus 38 percent of men do not feel
knowledgeable when choosing among investment options, and only 49 percent of
women (versus 62 percent of men) say the total amount of their savings and
investments are greater than the total amount they owe on any consumer debt.
For many women, money and investing is a frightening, male-dominated domain,
filled with unintelligible jargon. But as financial columnist Terry Savage
observed: "You don't need to have a special talent. You don't need to be a
genius. You just have to start." What's more, "female" characteristics such as
patience and tenacity make women even more successful investors than men, once
they get started, according to Ruth Hayden, author of "How to Turn Your Life
Around: The Money Book For Women."
"Women have an intuitive sense. They are practical, and understand that things
work in stages, and are therefore comfortable with volatility. And once they're
in the market, they'll stay put," Hayden says.
Despite the fact that women have "come a long way, baby" in terms of career
paths and financial success, until we educate ourselves about our financial
destiny, we cede power over our lives to others.
Sarah Littman, who lives in Greenwich, is author of "Confessions of a Closet
Catholic," published by Dutton Children's Books.
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